what is it about you,
that turns me upside down?
your smile?
your eyes?
your personality?
i see your smile,
i see your eyes.
you're amazingly wonderful.
you give me butterflies,
almost every time i see you.
but i hate you.
i hate that your smile and your eyes
affect me so much.
i hate the way you make me feel.
i hate that you're so likable.
but most of all,
i hate how you don't notice.
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Sunday, November 16, 2008
whatever...
So apparently, according to someone today, I've changed a lot in the past couple of months. Both physically and emotionally. I don't feel different physically, at least, not yet. Emotionally, I do feel different. A couple of weekends ago I was told I have the symptoms of depression, but I'm not clinically depressed. I've been like this for a while, not just since we've moved.
These symptoms have gotten stronger. I can feel it. In Everett, just being around my friends helped. I could talk to someone about anything but me, and they would instantly go away. Here, it's a lot harder. It takes a lot more for me to feel happy.
I need to get out of the house more, and I'm trying. But besides youth group, I don't have a lot more I can do. I'm going to start volunteering in December, and I'm trying to get a job. I'm trying to make friends, and I'm trying very hard. I slowly am.
I have good days, and I have bad days. You can definitely tell what kind of day I'm having. I just wish I would feel more balanced.
I don't really know what this was about. I was just kind of rambling and explaining. But, to you, have I changed in the last couple of months and how?
These symptoms have gotten stronger. I can feel it. In Everett, just being around my friends helped. I could talk to someone about anything but me, and they would instantly go away. Here, it's a lot harder. It takes a lot more for me to feel happy.
I need to get out of the house more, and I'm trying. But besides youth group, I don't have a lot more I can do. I'm going to start volunteering in December, and I'm trying to get a job. I'm trying to make friends, and I'm trying very hard. I slowly am.
I have good days, and I have bad days. You can definitely tell what kind of day I'm having. I just wish I would feel more balanced.
I don't really know what this was about. I was just kind of rambling and explaining. But, to you, have I changed in the last couple of months and how?
Thursday, November 6, 2008
you.
feel free to comment.
but i won't talk to anyone about this one.
when i think about me and you,
it hurts,
but it's over now.
what happened, happened.
we both moved on,
you faster than me.
however, it's been awhile.
we're starting to become friends again.
maybe not as close as we were before,
but that's expected.
i think one day we'll get there.
i hope we stay in touch.
you're the only person who has affected me this much.
people have gotten close, my best friend included,
but never as close to you.
i sometimes hate you
because i can never stay mad at you for very long.
other times i think you're the most amazing guy.
it's hard to let you completely go.
sometimes i wonder if you ever feel the same way i do.
i know though,
that it's time to say good bye.
in a way i'm ready to leave you behind.
i now know,
that i could never fully separate myself from you,
we're too close.
but i won't talk to anyone about this one.
when i think about me and you,
it hurts,
but it's over now.
what happened, happened.
we both moved on,
you faster than me.
however, it's been awhile.
we're starting to become friends again.
maybe not as close as we were before,
but that's expected.
i think one day we'll get there.
i hope we stay in touch.
you're the only person who has affected me this much.
people have gotten close, my best friend included,
but never as close to you.
i sometimes hate you
because i can never stay mad at you for very long.
other times i think you're the most amazing guy.
it's hard to let you completely go.
sometimes i wonder if you ever feel the same way i do.
i know though,
that it's time to say good bye.
in a way i'm ready to leave you behind.
i now know,
that i could never fully separate myself from you,
we're too close.
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
nostalgia...
Nostalgia:
a wistful desire to return in thought or in fact to a former time in one's life, to one's home or homeland, or to one's family and friends; a sentimental yearning for the happiness of a former place or time.
I'm feeling a bit of that right about now. I want to go to Everett and visit all my friends. I don't know when that's going to be possible.
Looking through all my pictures, I realize how lucky I am to have met all my friends. Morgan, Kurt, Chris, Ashley, Jessica, AJ, Andy, the list goes on. They have shaped me, some more than others, into becoming the person I am right now. Without them, I probably wouldn't be here right now.
Ashley, wow. We're pretty special. Remember when you spent the night on Brendan's birthday? I think that was the time where I made those videos that I have. We stayed up so late, it was amazing. I want this back.
Kurt, I don't even know. I miss you. Things have definitely changed between us, but I'm really glad we've stayed friends. You helped me through a lot, but I think you know that already. I can't stay mad at you for a very long period of time. It's impossible, I don't know why. Whoever gets you is lucky to have you. :]
Jessica, I think you were one of the few ones who kept me sane. You're different from everyone else, but in a good way.
I have to say, I'm here for all of you even though I'm so far away. Call me if you need too. I'm constantly changing, but I'm still the Jacqueline you all know.
I can't change the fact that I've moved. If everything works out, I'll be moving next year to Bellingham. But Everett is always going to my home.
As Michael Buble sang:
"Let me go home
I’m just too far from where you are
I wanna come home"
a wistful desire to return in thought or in fact to a former time in one's life, to one's home or homeland, or to one's family and friends; a sentimental yearning for the happiness of a former place or time.
I'm feeling a bit of that right about now. I want to go to Everett and visit all my friends. I don't know when that's going to be possible.
Looking through all my pictures, I realize how lucky I am to have met all my friends. Morgan, Kurt, Chris, Ashley, Jessica, AJ, Andy, the list goes on. They have shaped me, some more than others, into becoming the person I am right now. Without them, I probably wouldn't be here right now.
Ashley, wow. We're pretty special. Remember when you spent the night on Brendan's birthday? I think that was the time where I made those videos that I have. We stayed up so late, it was amazing. I want this back.
Kurt, I don't even know. I miss you. Things have definitely changed between us, but I'm really glad we've stayed friends. You helped me through a lot, but I think you know that already. I can't stay mad at you for a very long period of time. It's impossible, I don't know why. Whoever gets you is lucky to have you. :]
Jessica, I think you were one of the few ones who kept me sane. You're different from everyone else, but in a good way.
I have to say, I'm here for all of you even though I'm so far away. Call me if you need too. I'm constantly changing, but I'm still the Jacqueline you all know.
I can't change the fact that I've moved. If everything works out, I'll be moving next year to Bellingham. But Everett is always going to my home.
As Michael Buble sang:
"Let me go home
I’m just too far from where you are
I wanna come home"
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