Confusion to anger.
Anger to peace.
A weird cycle.
I miss you.
The idea.
I want to feel safe.
I want to feel loved.
I want to feel needed.
I don't.
Not in the way I want to at least.
You were my anchor.
Now you're not.
Now what?

Every day,
a new start.
Another chance.
Another try.
If you have a bad day,
replace it with a good one.
Don't give up when things get tough.
Live your life to the fullest each day.
Don't sit around and mope,
go out and do something.
If you have a bad day,
go make someone else's day a good one.
Give hugs to random people,
wave and say hi to people you pass.
Live.

class of '09.

here's to the people who were always there.
to the people who held my hand,
to the people i laughed with,
and to the people i cried with.

here's to my best friends.
the ones i could count on when i wasn't okay,
the one's who stood by my side,
even when i didn't want them to.

here's to my old friends,
my new friends,
and everyone in between.

here's to late, crazy nights,
to band trips,
to canada,
to disneyland.

here's to great inside jokes,
like four, dandelion, and sexy question mark man.

here's to the people i met and will never forget.

class of 2009, congratulations.
we finally did it!
i'm so proud of you.

get to know me.

i feel like writing, so here goes.

i've started twirling my hair when i get nervous. i don't bite my nails anymore. i love the smell of freshly cut grass, but it makes me sneeze. i don't like the way i look, but i almost love my hair. i love my eyes. i love scary movies, but i hate watching them by myself. i love watching them when i can cuddle with someone. i have the most fun cooking when i'm cooking with a friend. i love cheesey movies. i want to travel the world. i've made a lot of stupid mistakes in my life, but i wouldn't redo anything. i hate tomatoes and cucumbers. i hate talking to the people on the phone. i love listening to classical music. i hate rap. i'm going to central next year. i love teddy bears. i love surprises. i love history. i love fiction. i love dancing, although i suck at it.

i hate it when people eat with their mouth open. i hate when people don't put the toilet paper on the right way. i love hugs. i love meeting new people. i want to meet the president. i want to become a famous writer. i want to own my own restaurant.

there's this boy i love dearly, i can't let him go. there's this girl i love dearly, she's my sister. there's a few other kids i love dearly as well. i would do anything for them.

i have eight siblings. i love all of them dearly. i only really know two of them. i haven't met two of them. i used to care what the older ones thought of me. i don't care anymore. i can't change their mind about me. yes, it still hurts. but they are always in my heart. they are still family. i would do anything for any of them.

i love blue. i love pink. i love color. i love the beatles. i love monkeys and penguins. i love animals. i love balloons and ribbon. i love quotes. i love sticky notes. i love medicine. i love that this country has a lot of diversity. i love new things.

i'm not anything special. i don't have any amazing talents. i play flute. i write. i hope to change the lives of many. i cry a lot. i get pretty moody. i'm happy most of the time. i don't like people to worry about me too much. i try to smile even when it's hard. i try to laugh as much as i can. i love giving other people compliments, and i love recieving them as well.

one day, i hope to have an amazing teaching job. i don't know where, or what i'll teach. i hope to get married. i want to have kids. i'll adopt, or even be a foster parent. i absolutely love babies. if you need a babysitter, i'm the one to call. i want to have a big house, where i have room to entertain. i would love to have friends and family come to my house all the time. i love being a hostess. i want to lead a youth group, because i want to teach kids about god.

i love to talk. i'm really shy sometimes. i get stage fright, but after senior boards, it's not as bad. i would love to be a motivational speaker. i would love to teach kids about the dangers of alcohol and drugs.

well.
i don't know what else to write.
so i'm done for now.
did you learn anything new?

i'm scared.

i'm scared of thunderstorms.
i'm scared of deep water.
i'm scared of what's going to happen next time i see you.
i'm scared that it's going to happen again.
i'm scared for you.
i'm scared that you're making a mistake.
i'm scared that i might like you more than a friend.
i'm scared that you won't like me.
i'm scared that things have changed between us, in a bad way.

but here's the deal,
i'm not scared that things are changing between us.
i'm excited to see you again.
i'm excited that we're going to stay in touch.
i'm happy because if things do work out between us,
i know that you're a good guy.
i know that i don't have to be scared of thunderstorms or deep water,
because someone is always with me.
i know that i have nothing to be scared of,
because if you need help,
i will always be there for you.

Next year...

I swear, if one more person asks me what I'm going to do next year I'll scream. I have no idea.

Fact: I didn't get into Western.
Fact: I don't know what I'm going to do next year.

I do have some options though. They are:

1. Go to Central. However, I'm not sure if I'm accepted yet.
2. Go to Western Oregon. Again, I don't know if I'm accepted yet.
3. Go to Kennewick or wherever my parents go. Go to community college.
4. Get a roommate anywhere and go to community college.
5. Ask grandma if I could stay with her awhile and go to Whatcom community college.
6. Get my own apartment in Bellingham and go to Whatcom community college.

All of those involve getting a job. After community college, I will be transferring to a four year college. I still want to be a teacher.

There it is. All my options. If you have any advice, I'd gladly take it. Same with prayers. The past two school years have been rough, and I think it's time for a nice year.

people.

people.

we change.

we grow.

we hurt.

we heal.

we fight.

we make up.

we do bad.

we do good.

we grieve.

we celebrate.

the beauty is that everyone is different.

unique.

yet we're similar.

we're complex.

everyone has their own sob story,

and not everyone has their own fairy tale ending.

for that reason,

be kind.

smile.

love.

say hi.

everyone needs a friend.

everyone needs someone to love.

seniors.

class of 2009.

everyone's moving.

everyone's changing.

we will be going our own way soon.

will we remember all the fun times we had?

will we remember the fights, the trips, the hugs, the friends?

i will if you will.

congratulations class of '09.

we did it!

help?

this is my cry for help.

i need inspiration.

do something.

i have the motivation.

inspire me.

help me to shine and sparkle.

what i once had, i have no more.

that is now what i need.

help me write.

dear someone,

once upon a time i had you.

but did i really?

happy memories, sad memories.

you will never be replaced.

someone found me, someone found us.

you will always be in my heart.

^

That's my portfolio. My not finished, hopefully finished by Spring Break portfolio.

I really cannot tell you how much I hate graduation requirements. I wish all we had to do was get enough credits. When are we ever going to need it after graduation? Lame. Maybe they'll get rid of it like they are doing the WASL. Keep your fingers crossed :]

So, obviously it rained today. I'm not exactly sure why, but I loved it this morning. It was kinda nice, but I'm still tired of it.

I'd rather have this kind of weather though. I want to be able to wear shorts, a tank top, and flip flops. I want Summerrrrrrr.

Not to mention that this summer I will be free from high school.

I cannot wait.

Class of '09 <3

One day,

at a certain time.

Everything will change

Everything will be different.

No more pain.

No more sadness.

No more death.

Only happiness.

Only smiles and hugs.

Standing there,

Oblivious.

She does her own thing, every day.

Little does she know,

someone's watching over her.

Her guardian angel.

She's safe from harm.

She's safe from all the teasing,

all the mean comments,

all the laughter.

She's not naive,

just oblivious.

She's safe for now.

It happens over and over again.

I get hurt over and over again.

When is this going to end?

Only this time, something's different.

I'm saying no, over and over.

I'm not hurting anyone this time.

I don't feel guilty.

I feel disgusted.

With you, but mostly myself.

I wish I could solve this differently.

There has got to be an easier way.

There is.

I'm leaving in a couple of months.

All this will come to an end.

I'm going away.

I'm standing there,

right by your window.

I wait for you to look outside.

I see you.

I yell hi.

You see me.

You put a smile on your face.

You're happy to see me.

You yell I love you.

Everything goes dark.

I wake up.

It was a dream, 

only a dream.

I'm hurt.

It was just a dream.

I want everything for real.

I want a hug, a kiss, an "I love you"

I want to be held, I want to feel safe again.

I want somebody to tell me everything will be alright soon.

Maybe not now,

but one day.

One day I'll have my prince.

I'm waiting.

Come find me.

what are you going to do when i'm gone?

because i'm going.

i'm going to college.

i'm not going to see you very often.

i'm gone.

i wish i didn't feel this way.

i wish i could say that i will come back and visit you every chance i have.

but i'm not.

everyone pushes me too much.

i would do anything to repeat these past couple of years.

i've learned a lot.

i would do anything to not feel so grown up.

i hate this.

i hate that you have so much influence on me.

i'm not going to be like any of you.

i'm different.

i'm me.

i'm going to succeed.

i'm going to fulfill my dreams.

i'm going to have a wonderful life.

you'll see.

i'm going to prove everyone wrong.

you don't know it now,

but everyone is going to miss me.

i'm not sure if i'll miss you.