today i realized.

today i realized
that we have grown apart.
i've known this for a long time now,
but it finally clicked.
we've grown up.
we've done different things.
we have one thing keeping us together.
i hate this.
i miss you.
when something funny happens,
i want to tell you.
remember us.

why do you do this?
why do you treat me like this?
i don't understand.
you make me feel so bad.
you are the one person
who i don't expect this from.
i want to fly away,
and it's pretty much your fault.

everyone is beautiful.
even if we don't feel it.
i have glasses, i'm ugly.
i have braces, i'm ugly.
i'm not skinny, so i must be ugly.
stop.
right now.
you don't have to be skinny to be pretty.
you don't have to be perfect to look beautiful.
i know what it feels like to feel ugly.
i've been there a lot.
but if you have kindness, if you have love,
if you show compassion,
if you have passion for something.
if you have confidence.
that makes you beautiful.
stop hiding because you're not anorexic.
stop hiding if you have glasses,
stop hiding if you have braces.
you are beautiful,
just believe in yourself.

i think i was hiding.
i was scared.
i was scared of you.
scared of love.
i was scared of life.
i was scared of losing someone else.
but i'm done.
i'm done being scared.
i'm done being angry.
i'm done being upset.
i'm ready to move on.
i'm ready to be happy.
i'm ready to have a good laugh,
to have a huge smile on my face,
to face each new day.
i have no idea where life is taking me,
but i guess i will find out.
:]

music.

i can't describe the way music makes me feel.
it's beautiful.
it's love, anger, hate, sad.
filled with emotions.
it's a bird flying,
it's an i love you,
it's a rainbow.
music is a miracle.

you don't realize how much you control me.
you change me and i don't even realize it.
you make me who i am today, right now.
it's all you.
every time you hurt me,
you make me stronger.
every time you say something nice,
you make my day.
you know what's wrong almost instantly,
and you always care.
you always try to help.
we'll always be friends.
we'll always be there for each other.

i love you.

the way you make me smile,
the way you make me laugh,
the way you tickle me,
the way you make me feel when i'm hurt,
or when i'm sad or angry.
i love it.
i love your smile,
your eyes,
personality,
everything.
i love you.

Untitled.

You hurt me more than you can ever imagine.
If I could show you, I would.
I thought I had forgiven you.
But then I remember.
I remember every single detail.
All the broken promises,
All the lies,
All the times when you didn't show up.
You are never there when I need you.
You hurt me so much,
Why can't I just let you go?

this is me.

yes that's me.
look and you'll see.
my hair in a ponytail.
my eyes behind glasses.
my arms reaching for someone.
my hands clapping with joy.
my heart filles with pain and happiness.
i'm the one who will never let you down.
i never try to hurt anyone.
my friends believe in me.
i live to make a difference.
i hope to have a happy life.
i dream of the future.
it's all clear as can be.
that's positively, absolutely me.

beauty.

what is beauty?
is it makeup?
good looks, cool clothes?
is it lotion or cool hair styles?
no.
beauty is compassion.
it's love, it's kindness.
beauty is what's on the inside.

feelings.

i feel so left out.
so lonely.
is it you or is it me?
what did we do wrong?
i want to fix it.
please tell me.
i just want things back.

untitled.

you play it cool.
you talk to me like it's no big deal.
but it is.
you don't know how much it hurts.

usually you ignore me.
but on the rare occasions you talk to me,
you make me feel so bad.
like i'm not worth your time,
small, immature.

why can't you just accept me for who i am?
i love you,
why can't i recieve love from you?
i won't force you to love me.
i can't.
just remember,
i will never forget you.
even if you forget me.

love.

as i look around,
i see beauty everywhere.
sunsets, leaves, flowers,
cats, grass, smiles,
trees, dogs, rain.
but as i look around,
i see love the most.
and to me,
that is the most beautiful thing out there.

i am.

i am a superstar.
i wonder if class will ever end.
i hear people talking.
i see people writing.
i want class to be over.
i am a superstar.

i pretend that i'm a singer.
i feel happy because we got 1st place.
i touch my gel pen.
i worry that no one likes me.
i cry because i feel like crying.
i am a superstar.

i understand that i have tons of friends.
i say i'm popular.
i dream about being a superstar.
i try to be myself.
i hope i get 1st place again.
i am a superstar.

who am i?

1)
i am jacqueline
daughter of jennifer and shawn
who needs love, sleep, and friends
who loves nature, god, people
who sees joy, words, compassion
who hates ignorance, hatred, cheaters
who fears failure, lonlieness, success
who dreams of happiness, a loving family, a good job
who has found poems of love
resident of washington
sullivan

2)
i am a crazy girl who loves music.
i wonder what life will be like in twenty years.
i hear people crying.
i see people believing.
i want to be cared for.
i am a crazy girl who loves music.

i pretend that i am a great leader.
i feel the weight of the world on my shoulders.
i touch god's creation.
i worry about everyone i know.
i cry for all the death in the world.
i am a crazy girl who loves music.

i understand why love hurts.
i say that we are equal.
i dream about helping the children of the world.
i try to be there for everyone.
i hope that people can see the truth.
i am a crazy girl who loves music.

3)
jacqueline.
compassionate, tired, daughter, sister,
sister of brendan and collin,
lover of music, nature, god,
who feels joy, sadness, love,
who needs laughter, joy, nature,
who gives help, encouragement, laughter,
who fears failure, heights, spiders,
who would like to see a cure for all diseases,
resident of everett, wa,
sullivan.

4)
jacqueline
ditzy, intelligent, curious, fun-loving
first born daughter of shawn and jennifer
likes music, nature, children
feels like i'm not good enough
afraid of failing
would like to see the world
sullivan

Imperfect.

I try to look nice.
Put my hair up, put makeup on.
I try to hide my flaws.
I walk to band whenever I can.
I do school online so I can get away.
That might have been a bad decision.
I tend to wish I was perfect.
But I'm not.
I'm human.
I'm me.

Scared.

I know you.
I love you.
I care about you.
I'll always be there for you.
Don't mess up.
Don't become another statistic.
Tonight, I worry.
Remember your promises.
Remember who you are.

Untitled.

I cry a lot.
I worry that I'm not perfect.
Things are changing.
You have changed. I have changed.
There's not a lot I can do.
So I cry.
One day I hope,
I have faith that things will be different.
I KNOW that things will be different.
I will not have a reason to cry anymore.